Dear Alex,
My boyfriend is always late. And worse than that, he makes up these excuses for why he’s late that I know aren’t true. What should I do?
Punctual Polly
Dear Polly,
Some people are chronically late. Like they missed their due date and never caught up. If your boyfriend suffers from terminal tardiness, let him know that this is not acceptable. Tell your never-ready steady that his perpetual lateness is not okay. It spoils your day and mood, and sends the message that his time is more valuable than yours. He may not mean to hurt your feelings, but he needs to hear that he is. If he seems genuinely sorry, ask him what he needs to do to be on time. If he’s sincere about changing, help him mend his ways. Look for improvement and provide positive reinforcement for increased punctuality. Time will tell if the situation improves, but if telling time continues to challenge your belated beloved, you’ll have to decide if the relationship is worth the frustration.
If it is, put your boyfriend on Greenwich BF Time. This zone is behind yours by however much your bf is typically late. So, if he’s always 30 minutes late and you want to meet up at 8:00, tell him 7:30. That way, when he shows up late he’s right on schedule.
As for the lying, tell your no-show beau that you signed on for Romeo, not Pinocchio. Being late is bad enough without lying about it. People who are late always have an explanation, whether true or not. But that doesn’t excuse it. Lateness is excusable only when it results from unforeseen events beyond one’s control. Explain to your boyfriend that there’s a new policy in town. Set limits. Let him know that if he is late you will leave without him, or go into the theater by yourself, or abandon the plan, or go home.
If dawdling dearest calls or texts with an excuse to tell you he’s running behind schedule, at least that’s better than before. You can decide whether to believe him, and whether you’re willing to continue to wait. If you’re consistent about maintaining limits, he’ll shape up. And if not, it may be time to ship him out.